Beauty Clasp
February 17th, 2011
Sonnet iambic pentameter?
I got this assignment to write a sonnet. And, I tried to write a Shakespearean one, but I didn’t really get the whole iambic pentameter’s stress/ unstressed thing. So, I just wanna ask if mine follows the proper sonnet form?
Here’s the poem:
Farewell, wintry winds, waning while spring thrives.
Adieu, dreary dim, dreading dazzling spring.
Begone, gloomy grim. Great gifts: green and shine.
Bygone biting winds. Buoyant birdies sing.
Snow melts. Icicles collapse. Chills abate.
Vines creep. Seeds sprout. Flowers blossom. Buds bloom.
Grey, white and dark majestic pines replaced.
Flower-strewn meadows and canopies loom.
All rejoice with winter’s end; none is sad,
Nor regrets her passing with mourning tears,
Nor relishes her melancholic clasp,
But, I do, for thy true beauty endeared.
Thy loss of life brings the love of life, for.
Thy loss makes life remembered, au revoir.
Thanks !
I take exception with your first respondent, and since I have written over 1,000 sonnets, had several published, and have taught poetry I know of what I speak. If your poem is a Shakespearean sonnet, you must write in iambic pentameter. Each line must be composed of five iambic feet, and one iamb is an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed one. Let’s try to help you understand the concept, okay? Consider the word ‘unkempt’; say it aloud. Do you notice how you put most of the stress on the second part (kempt) rather than the first (un)? That is an iamb. That is the pattern you should repeat five times in each line. You are allowed some small deviation from that pattern; for example, trochaic inversions are not uncommon in sonnets. As for rhymes, the slant rhymes of your first 12 lines are acceptable; interestingly, they show a predisposition towards assonance rhyming, which is more common amongst songwriters than poets. However, your sight rhyme in the couplet is too weak to be acceptable and you should rework that. You have overdone the alliteration and it has become a distraction rather than a benefit. All in all, I would do a full rewrite, correcting the meter and keeping the alliteration reined in. Remember, your poem should have the character of song. Good luck.
When all of life’s become a field of tares
That chokes the harvest of your fertile years,
And every moment’s thought is filled with cares,
Nay intimations that the harvest nears
So that you fear to plant the next year’s seeds
Lest you be absent when they’re fully grown
Or that they’ll go untended like your needs
That you’ve ignored until the chaff is blown,
Then you must reap before the summer’s gone
And all your stalks are stiff and bare and dry
And fallen from your scepter is the awn
That crowned your crop in better days gone by;
So swing your sickle, yea both sow and reap
And thereby nature’s first commandment keep.
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